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Lessons Learned (like hell they are)

I am currently on Page 22 of the report by Professor Alexis Jay of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Exploitation in Rotherham (1997 – 2013). So far I have read about failing, after failing after failing and saw that famous phrase “Lessons Learned”. I want to scream when I hear that utter from some politician’s mouth as it’s a cover all phrase that is meant to satisfy us the public that everything is in hand and all will be resolved.
Of course we all know it’s just another load of bullshit in an attempt to calm the masses.

You can download a copy of the report from here

I have also read the emotive blog from Lisa Cherry this morning.


I feel for Lisa and for all those children and future children who’ve not been heard, been deliberately ignore and believe it’s their own fault.

I spent a few years back in the late 90’s and early 2000’s attempting to help (mostly women) put themselves back together after years and years of being sexually abused, ignored, unseen, unheard and re-abused by so-called rescuers. I am sure I am feeling tearful for them too. Every time this type of story surfaces (weekly and almost daily now), it can be a trigger for those who’ve suffered at the hands of an abuser. Many of my previous clients will be struggling to cope with what they see, read and hear at the moment, and I fear this only the tip of the iceberg.

I doubt very much that much will change, I have every confidence that lessons haven’t been and won’t be learned and vulnerable children will continue to be left uncared for and unprotected by “caring” services.

Is this our blindness….as much of the US is blind to the damage their gun culture causes, are we in the UK blind to the damage being caused by our society and it’s attitude’s to vulnerable children.


Playing the blame Game……

……….is impossible if one takes responsibility for oneself.

Two things I have learned today (well 3 actually).

1.  Blaming someone for locking you out of the house whilst you’re out for an hour makes them responsible for you and your needs.

2. Making big assumptions about what will be happening in the hour that you’re out is not a good plan.

and 3.  Being locked out in below freezing temperatures is unpleasant and makes you want to play the blame game.

Having had 45 minutes of being locked out in below freezing conditions and having flitted around the Drama Triangle for a while,  I have learned that if I take responsibility for my needs, I will not find myself locked out again.  I have had a similar lesson before when being left on the quayside in a foreign country with no passport and very little language.  On that occasion I did quite a bit of Persecutor/Victim stuff and eventually made sure I took responsibility for myself.

So, in future, wherever I am going and however long I am going to be there, and whatever I think my husband will be doing whilst I am gone, I WILL TAKE MY KEYS.