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More Menopause! sheesh

There Won’t Be Blood: Suzanne Moore on the menopause


The lack of information around the menopause is one of the things that has shocked me most. It is a mystery to many well-informed women. The perimenopause, for instance, is an all-purpose diagnosis for all kinds of ills. Many women are told they are “peri” with no idea what this means. Erratic bleeding, insomnia, itching, vaginal dryness, memory lapse and vasomotor disturbance are just a few of the symptoms that could make you “peri”. You are post-menopausal when you haven’t had a period for over a year.

The lack of definition bothered me. The female body can be a mess, so I simply decided to have it – the menopause – one cold November weekend a few years ago. I took to my bed, decided that my time was over and nested in a cloud of self-pity. By the Monday I was bored and went out and saw a great gig. These are a good menopausal activity, as they occur in dark spaces and no one cares if you perspire.

But I am not surprised so many women end up utterly depressed. If the menopause is seen as basically a disease, as lack, then women’s bodily chemistry must be rebalanced with hormone replacement therapy or antidepressants.

When you shut the gate could you waft it back and forth to create a draft please.


Hurtful Words

Hurtful Words.

Old patterns still jerking strings. These poignant words will resonate for many people.

ACoAs & Emotions (Part 1) (via HEAL & GROW for ACoAs)

So eloquently written and resonated so much for me.

ACoAs & Emotions (Part 1) I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING – & you can’t make me! Previous: Parrott’s Emotions List You know the 3 Laws of an alcoholic system, right?  “Don’t Talk, Don’t Think, Don’t Feel”  & the ‘greatest’ of them is – the last one! Those Dreaded Es! • ACoAs definitely believe emotions are a bad thing. When asked what’s going on with them, or how they’re feeling, ACoAs usually fail to mention their emotions. We’ll talk around them, over & under, … Read More

via HEAL & GROW for ACoAs

Musings of the day.

Passivity and stress.

Running fantasy conversations around in your head, thinking I wish I had said this or that, can cause stress, and interrupted sleep. Saying what you want to say can cause a relationship to flounder, break down or move on to more real interactions. Being passive when faced with possible conflict can leave you feeling impotent, and the longer this continues can lead to a reactive depression.
Being true to you is risky. Saying how you feel, and saying what you want may mean you lose “friends” and some people may judge you; frequently without the full facts. You have 2 choices, you can either listen to the judgements and let these introjects run your life, or you can give yourself permission to know that it’s okay for you to have needs, for you not to discount your needs whilst trying to keep others happy. Others can find their own ways of being happy.
Do we know this already? Do we know that it isn’t our responsibility to protect others from our feelings? I suspect we do and yet I suspect we all at some point decide not to share, not to speak out and be passive. Of course, there are circumstances I am sure where saying/doing nothing challenging is important. However, when it becomes your main way of relating, you’re not being good to yourself.
Several times this year I have made my needs overt and have risked losing relationships/friendships. One relationship has gone adrift and one is where it was despite the anger at the time. I have lost sleep and am no longer. It’s important for me to know my needs are as important as anyone else’s.

Potager, you’re fired!

I have realised, after much struggling (possibly with the critical introjects mentioned above) that I don’t enjoy much about vegetable gardening. I am writing this with arms and legs stinging from stinging nettles I have been pulling up. For some people, being out there, pulling up weeds and talking to their vegetables is where they find peace and tranquillity. I don’t! I love harvesting the produce and watching it growing, and I hate weeding. The weeds this year, with the hot weather and then the tons of rain have overwhelmed me. I’ve been very good, pulling them up carefully by the roots so they don’t grow back….yes they do.
Back in the old days, when women knew their place, I am sure I would have been in the kitchen awaiting garden produce, produced by the man of the house, who’d bring it in proudly for me to transform into wonderful food. What happens here is, I grow it, weed it, harvest it and cook it. I also know that here in rural France, I see women and men out tending to the potager, and that their home grown food is a very important part of their diet. I also know that there are many, many people who’d give anything to have this piece of land to grow vegetables on, and that really does push my guilt buttons. However, I really do need to cut myself some slack and let myself say how I feel and say what I want.
So, my plan is to ask our lovely, younger French neighbours, who can already access it from their garden, if they’d like to use it for themselves. I’d ask to be able to help myself to the odd veggie or two, but otherwise it can be for their use. I hope they say yes, otherwise my guilt buttons will be struggling to remain unpushed (yes, I know, it’s not a word, and I will use words that are not words).
Thanks for dropping by, and as always, please close the gate as you leave.

Kathy the sane.