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Thinking about Twins.

Don’t panic.  I have been watching alot of “One Born Every Minute” genre programmes, but I am not about to start procreating again at 58 years old.

I’ve been motivated to think about this in relation to someone I know vaguely, and something I have just come to understand about them.

If you were born a twin, and of course grew up with that person with whom you shared the womb, your mother’s breast and probably nearly every moment with, how do you find your soul mate and how will that soul mate ever be “good enough” or “fit”?

I can only imagine it must be incredibly hard to find another who fits you so well.  One who knows you inside, shares your thoughts (even knows what you’re thinking/feeling) and (I imagine) will always be there for you no matter what.  How does your future partner/husband/girlfriend/wife ever stand a chance of making it to the finishing line?

I have only ever “worked” with one of a pair of twins, and I know how difficult that relationship was for her.  I have some understanding of how hard it was for her when her “other half” found a soul mate and made a family with him.   How much she compared herself to her twin sister, and compared herself unfavourably.

I know that quite often twins are referred to as the oldest, or the youngest and I wonder how much this impacts on their future.  Even though we’re normally talking about 10 mins older, does the oldest go on to do older sibling stuff or be given older sibling status and all that that entails?  I know it’s probably completely out of awareness, but assigning sibling roles, even to twins,  can map out the the plan for the rest of their lives.  How many of us singletons end up following the paths our parents assigned to us as babies/toddlers.  It seems unfair, if it’s true, that the older twin becomes assigned older sibling status and all the responsibilities that might include.  What about the younger twin, are they infantilised by their parents, are they treated slightly differently?

That’s my thoughts, I wonder what the answers are.  Maybe if you’re a twin you can comment and let me know.

Meanwhile, here in rainy France I am beginning to believe that summer is really over.  Tant pis.

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About kathythesane

Lived in Kent, then Devon, now France. Trained as a Mental Health Nurse in Canterbury, then at Training South East (Sandhurst) in Transactional Analysis with Alice Stephenson (dec'd) , Suzanne Boyd and Mellie Lewin. Managed a Private Psychiatric Nursing Home for very mentally ill patients in Devon for 3 year before retiring to France in 2006.

4 responses »

  1. could i start by saying i am the mum of 2 children born the same time they hate being called twins ,they were never dressed the same although family brought clothes the same ,they wore them on different days and yes they do compete ,
    the new family side of it doesn’t seem a problem what is ,is how people differentiated between them the pretty one,there is one thing please don’t refer to one as the thinner one it can lead to eating disorders,and doesn’t help with self esteem ,and yes people do this ,ect family cards were sent to the twins ,we used to rebuy cards and send them one each ,didn’t always work
    if they were given them in their hand ,as i said the competitive side of things is the main problem even now in their 20’s ,the new people in their lives have been except to the same extent as they would be in any family ,with personal differences the same as any other family

    Reply
    • Thanks for your comment. It’s good to hear how it really is rather than my interpretation of what I think might be how it is. I liked that you treated your children born at the same time differently, even down to replacing family birthday and Christmas cards.

      Reply
  2. I think personal the hardest thing about being a twin was growing up and many seeing you almost as half a person even by teachers we were always Toni and lisa which lead to completions to get noticed however now days we live very different life’s, both of us have OH’s who we love dearly. Growing up my twin was always referred to as the skinny one which lead to such low selfs esteem in me I ended up with a serious reaching disorder. It sounds weird but it helps that all four of us get on so well, we don’t compare each other to be honest as it would lead to big issues. I have 3 best friends my partner, my twin and her husband. My sister is very brainy (in a book way) whereas I’m good practically (not to say she’s bad as actually she really isn’t). I know how difficult it was growing up being compared to someone so wouldn’t do it to my OH. X

    Reply

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