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Observation or judgement, how can you tell?

Just two things of note for me, besides funerals and all the other stuff.  Two things I observed and had an hypothesis about whilst driving around the country.

Observation 1.

I am in Boots, behind me whilst I am shopping is a mother pushing her 5 month old baby in a pushchair.  Baby is facing mum, having eye contact with mum who appears to be talking to her.  She’s not, she’s talking into a hands free phone, has a wire coming from her ear.  Baby is looking, possibly thinking mum is talking to her, but getting very odd signals and probably doesn’t know how to respond.  Mum’s conversation is heated, angry at times, and she’s giving no eye contact to the baby who is trying to make sense of the world. It was pointed out to me (aggressively I felt) that this was just a snapshot, and yes I agree (not sure that was noted) but…..sometimes a snapshot speaks a thousand words.  I hope in this case this baby gets plenty of eye contact and communication normally.

I find this terribly disturbing, and I think of all the other babies who have to cope with mums talking to mobile phones rather than them.  At least when mum is talking to another adult/human being, the baby can see how communication happens and can cope with mum being distracted.  Yes, technology is great, and mobile phones are really useful (and we did have phone boxes back in the old days, we weren’t completely lost and out of touch).  People wonder why kids are growing up with problems such as ADHD (or whatever it’s called nowadays) .

Observation 2.

In a services on our way from (I think) Cheshire a 30’s something woman(?) walked in behind her very pert, firm and bulging breasts on display or almost.  They were lovely, not too big, not too small and had a nice tan.  The woman had a lovely very slim figure, dressed nicely and I loved the colour of her short hair cut.  In short she was stunning.  She looked good and just a little too well done.  She reminded me of the way a transvestite looks when they’ve tried so hard they’ve done too well and given themselves away..

Why am I writing about this.  Well, firstly I felt sorry that she felt her breasts needed to be displayed quite so much in very cold weather and that despite the massive come on suggested by them, her face was saying a big fuck off.   Why do I feel sorry (am I jealous and is this why I am writing about it?)  I feel sorry that society can lead us to believe that we have to be this perfect to be liked.  I feel sorry that perfection is based on the superficial  rather than the whole person, and I feel sorry that she looked so angry and wondered why after working so hard to look stunning, she was “pushing” people away with her look.

I met many women whilst working as a psychotherapist, who display their breasts in this way.  Quite often it has turned out that they’ve been sexually abused as a child and do not know the boundaries around public sexual displays.  So of course this set me to wonder about this particular woman and whether the big “fuck off” was about her attempt at protecting herself, whilst being alluring.  Of course, if she were a he, then it’s very likely she was so proud of her breasts, she wanted to show them off.  Who knows.  Again, it was a snapshot…and I’ll never no the truth behind the observation.

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About kathythesane

Lived in Kent, then Devon, now France. Trained as a Mental Health Nurse in Canterbury, then at Training South East (Sandhurst) in Transactional Analysis with Alice Stephenson (dec'd) , Suzanne Boyd and Mellie Lewin. Managed a Private Psychiatric Nursing Home for very mentally ill patients in Devon for 3 year before retiring to France in 2006.

One response »

  1. Reblogged this on musings from outside the asylum and commented:

    The article Parenting While Distracted
    http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/08/11/comment-parenting-while-distracted
    has reminded me of this blog post, written by me in March 2013.

    Reply

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