I had an email from my niece today. She was feeling “freaked out” by a conversation she’d had with her mother.
Mum has said that in 2 years or so she is moving from G to S to be nearer us so that I can look after her in her old age!!!!! She said she is getting older and has lots of niggling ailments and that one day she will need my help in her old age….and that as I’m the only child it’ll be down to me to do this!!!! I’m stunned!!!! She was completely taking it for granted. She didn’t even ask me how I feel about it
My poor niece, like all daughter’s of Narcissists was struggling to cope with her feelings about the above, and wondering how she was going to address this, since it certainly wasn’t what she had planned for the future.
I responded, with several ideas of my own (easy for me, she’s my mad sister, not my mum),
• I am interested to hear your plans and that they don’t match my plans for my family’s future.
• I’m not sure me caring for you in old age will work, since you caring for me in young age left a lot to be
• Please, since you are expecting me to be a part of your future, only make plans for your future in negotiation
• Fuck off!
Afterwards, I started a small search on Google and came up with this great website.
I am still having a route around on there, as I too am a DONM (and of course my mad sister is too). I am bowled over my how many things resonate for me, and will carry on reading over the next few days. Most interesting for me today was the page about Narcissistic Rage……incredibly powerful and so explains for me how I feel when someone is angry with me.
So, I wanted to share this with whoever ends up coming here, as I feel that this is such an unknown area and that there are so many children out there, carrying around the projections of a vicious and grandiose mother, that it might help in some way.
Now you know why shutting the gate is so important!
Kathy the sane (r) sister.
PS. I would help if I shared the web address wouldn’t it!