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Musings from outside the Asylum at the weekend.

I hate yours, but I won’t make my own
I am having an interesting few days observing and sometimes being part of a virtual world where people come and say what they don’t like, come and knock down other’s castles (or positive ideas) yet refuse to go and build/form their own. All groups have a process they go through every so often. Tuckman (1965) described it as Forming Storming Norming Performing
in his model of

Norming and re-norming
Timothy Biggs suggested that an additional stage be added of Norming after Forming and renaming the traditional Norming stage Re-Norming. This addition is designed to reflect that there is a period after Forming where the performance of a team gradually improves and the interference of a leader content with that level of performance will prevent a team progressing through the Storming stage to true performance. This puts the emphasis back on the team and leader as the Storming stage must be actively engaged in to succeed – too many ‘diplomats’ or ‘peacemakers’ especially in a leadership role may prevent the team from reaching their full potential.

I know it is a common thread amongst virtual communities for some to want to kick sand in the face of others. It’s just fascinating to watch from my observation platform. In the 2 cases I have been a party to, or observing this weekend, both groups are not necessarily reacting to new members. It seems that old members either like to come back and disrupt if they see something positive being mooted or, as in one of the cases, when one member has been “allegedly” treated very unfairly and people seem to be taking sides. In both cases, it’s very sad to see those who want to disrupt doing so. A few years ago, I would have been hurt by what I am witnessing, as I would have invested more heavily in the group. I now know to keep some of myself out of the group as a way of protecting myself from those people who, ultimately, are strangers to me.

I’ll pray for you.
How often do you read or here this, in response to some tough issues or very sad events happening in your life?
I have a real problem with the above, as I am an atheist and cannot imagine how the offer of those prayers will make the slightest difference to my current situation. For many years, I have not responded to this, for the sake of not upsetting the person offering their prayers, however yesterday I decided to say something.
I make an assumption that in saying this, to comfort another, the sayer/prayer is in fact comforting themselves. I hope they are, as it is certainly no comfort to me. Please respect my wishes and don’t pray to your god for me, and I’ll not talk to you nay more about my lack of belief.

On a final note for today.
I know I haven’t been here long, and so my requests don’t hold a lot of weight, but please do close the gate…..it’s dangerous out there!

Kathy the sane.

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About kathythesane

Lived in Kent, then Devon, now France. Trained as a Mental Health Nurse in Canterbury, then at Training South East (Sandhurst) in Transactional Analysis with Alice Stephenson (dec'd) , Suzanne Boyd and Mellie Lewin. Managed a Private Psychiatric Nursing Home for very mentally ill patients in Devon for 3 year before retiring to France in 2006.

2 responses »

  1. Even as someone who believes in God, I find the “I will pray for you” thing infuriating. My mother told me yesterday that she “prayed” every day while we lived with father that he wouldn’t hurt us, and I exploded at her. Prayer is so often a substitute for actually doing anything to help yourself – or others.

    Reply

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