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Teaching our daughters to hate themselves.


I am often reminded of this as I browse Facebook. Remember, your daughters look to you for all they need to know in their future life as a grown woman. They see everything you do, hear everything you say and they even hear the things you don’t say but feel. Please don’t continue this whole perfectionist stuff for them to spend the rest of their lives trying to attain. Please let them be happy with who they are and let them know it’s not all about how they look.

Originally posted on musings from outside the asylum:

Passing on body hatred

This is so sad, and so much of it is worth repeating, I have cut and paste the whole article for you, you have no need to even open the link.

If you are a young mother with daughters who love you just as you are, please read this and think about the messages you are giving them about body image.

Dear Mum,

I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful – in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I’d pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and…

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Observation or judgement, how can you tell?


The article Parenting While Distracted

has reminded me of this blog post, written by me in March 2013.

Originally posted on musings from outside the asylum:

Just two things of note for me, besides funerals and all the other stuff.  Two things I observed and had an hypothesis about whilst driving around the country.

Observation 1.

I am in Boots, behind me whilst I am shopping is a mother pushing her 5 month old baby in a pushchair.  Baby is facing mum, having eye contact with mum who appears to be talking to her.  She’s not, she’s talking into a hands free phone, has a wire coming from her ear.  Baby is looking, possibly thinking mum is talking to her, but getting very odd signals and probably doesn’t know how to respond.  Mum’s conversation is heated, angry at times, and she’s giving no eye contact to the baby who is trying to make sense of the world. It was pointed out to me (aggressively I felt) that this was just a snapshot, and yes I…

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Lessons Learned (like hell they are)

I am currently on Page 22 of the report by Professor Alexis Jay of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Exploitation in Rotherham (1997 – 2013). So far I have read about failing, after failing after failing and saw that famous phrase “Lessons Learned”. I want to scream when I hear that utter from some politician’s mouth as it’s a cover all phrase that is meant to satisfy us the public that everything is in hand and all will be resolved.
Of course we all know it’s just another load of bullshit in an attempt to calm the masses.

You can download a copy of the report from here

I have also read the emotive blog from Lisa Cherry this morning.


I feel for Lisa and for all those children and future children who’ve not been heard, been deliberately ignore and believe it’s their own fault.

I spent a few years back in the late 90’s and early 2000’s attempting to help (mostly women) put themselves back together after years and years of being sexually abused, ignored, unseen, unheard and re-abused by so-called rescuers. I am sure I am feeling tearful for them too. Every time this type of story surfaces (weekly and almost daily now), it can be a trigger for those who’ve suffered at the hands of an abuser. Many of my previous clients will be struggling to cope with what they see, read and hear at the moment, and I fear this only the tip of the iceberg.

I doubt very much that much will change, I have every confidence that lessons haven’t been and won’t be learned and vulnerable children will continue to be left uncared for and unprotected by “caring” services.

Is this our blindness….as much of the US is blind to the damage their gun culture causes, are we in the UK blind to the damage being caused by our society and it’s attitude’s to vulnerable children.

Praying doesn’t change anything!


I posted several blogs and reblogged in the aftermath of Sandy Hook. Got into angry rants with pro gun people.
I am so shocked by the news that a 9 year old girl killed her gun instructor with a sub machine gun, I am despairing that we will ever live in a sane world.
The world is becoming more and more insane. I could write about Gaza, about Rotherham, about children in UK waiting to go back to school so they can have a hot meal each day. But today I’ll just stick with this for now.
Little girls of 9 should be playing with the friends, not guns.
Little girls and boys of 9 should be playing in the sunshine, skimming stones in the water and riding bicycles. Little children aged 9 should be eating the odd Kinder Egg……oh, hold on. Kinder Eggs are outlawed in the US.

Too angry to say more right now.
There is no balance, bring back balance.

Originally posted on musings from outside the asylum:

Praying is not addressing the issue!

Praying is not addressing the issue!

Facebook is over run with candles and people calling us to pray for the children and adults who lost their lives yesterday in Connecticut, and for the families who survive.  I have yet to see what changes, improvements, lives have been saved with all those prayers.  Praying is a way some people cope with their complete and utter impotence when faced with this violent and senseless act of murder.  Praying is not action, it’s comfort to the prayer.  Why does the prayer need to comfort themselves?

Get off your knees and act.  

Obama calls for “meaningful” action.

If you live in this country that is still stuck in the 17th century, do something today to bring yourselves into the 21st century.

“New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, also called for action.

“We have heard all the rhetoric before,” he said.

“What we have not seen is…

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When will there be Peace?

There are now so many images on social media, and so many good images, well worth sharing, I am unable to share them all there. So, I will share them here. I am shocked, sad, angry and despairing at these images. Non of those emotions or images are in any particular order. I just want the suffering of my fellow human beings to stop.





de niro


humancartoondouble speakdisrespect





















Do you remember the photos taken of Iraqi prisoners by US soldiers, naked, blindfolded, being goaded by dogs, being humiliated and abuse by the soldiers? Attempts to inflame an already volatile situation. The photo montage of playing not praying looks nothing like this, but is still an massive attempt to inflame and radicalise Muslim believers. If you really want to end terror, stop radicalising,stop disrespecting the beliefs of others.


11 little changes to move your life in unimaginable ways.

1. Listen with your heart, not with your ears- you’ll be surprised at what you hear.

2. Turn off your inflexible button for one day a week – see what life sends for you.

3. Do something thoughtful for one person each week.

4. Change But to And in all that you say – pay attention to how this changes everything.

5. Have a look at “Golden Silence”, practice it in all your disputes.

6. Look at it again; practice it in your sales pitches.

7. Never promise yes when you mean no.
note to self

8. Yes, you’re right, for you, not always for them.

9. Sometimes the journey is just a journey, enjoy it.

10. Tell someone how much they mean to you, even if you think they already know.

Let me know how you get on.

Food bank charity told to stop criticising benefit system or face shut-down – by the government


#The Trussell Trust and the Condem Gov………I know who I trust.
Now the government has tried a different tack: blackmail. Instead of trying to justify the government’s position or undermine that taken by the trust in public, it has been revealed that, recently, “someone in power” told trust bosses that the government “might try to shut you down” if the trust continued to cause it embarrassment.

Originally posted on Vox Political:


What would you do in that situation?

It seems that food bank charity The Trussell Trust has been making too many waves around the Conservative-led Coalition government’s policies regarding benefits, social security and welfare.

Readers may recall how the charity warned that Coalition policies had created a need for a huge expansion in the number of food banks across the UK. The Tories countered this by accusing the trust of “misleading and emotionally manipulative publicity-seeking”, and also of “aggressively marketing [its] services”.

After this failed to make a dent in public opinion, the Daily Mail tried to discredit the trust by claiming it was handing out food parcels without checking whether the people claiming them were bona fide.

But it turned out that the paper’s claim of “inadequate checks on who claims the vouchers, after a reporter obtained three days’ worth of food simply by telling staff at a Citizens…

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